I drink milk for weeks
Gaining a pound a day
I am aching in my feet
Now I am at 500 pounds
20 feels like only an ounce
I sit and eat grass all day
Doing nothing eating mostly hay
Things come over and tip me at night
Sometimes we will get in a fight
My friend has gone into the barn
Hasn’t come back
Now he is in pieces on a rack
2 comments:
Hey,
Great ending. The rack part is really good. "Now I am at 500 pounds" could be"Now at 500 pounds, all big and round". Another thing, "I drink milk for weeks,
Gaining a pound a day,
I am aching in my feet" You could change to: "Drinking milk for weeks,
Gaining a pound a day,
Achinging in my feet,
Nothing to play."
But other than that, well done.
Nice,
D.Baum
wow.! this poem is great it makes me think really hard to what the poem is talking about. i really like the three ending sentences My friend has gone into the barn
Hasn’t come back
Now he is in pieces on a rack. there is some good poetry right theere. i think you could have a strobnger closing and put the three ending sentences in the middle.
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